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 Pirate Positions Registration

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Vephist D. Yhs

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Position : Shichibukai
Posts : 139

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Skill 1: Gravity Fruit
Skill 2: Yhs Kenjutsu
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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sat Aug 22, 2015 2:26 pm

Crew: N/A
Position: Shichibukai
Tier: 1
Activity: All day all night (seriously, I'm online most of the time)
Why: Vephist D. Yhs is walking around the world with a god, king and messiah complex. He believes himself to stand above all humans and because of his enormous power that lies within his Gravity devil fruit, the World Government inquired whether Vephist would like to take one of the seven seats of the Oka Shichibukai. Because of this position, Vephist is allowed to do whatever he wants but with óne condition: he would have to help the World Government out the same way in One Piece the Shichibukai fought on the Navy's side during the Marineford War.

Note:
- Should I be granted this position, I would like to bump Vephist's age and height/weight up.
- In the sample, I will use equipment and devil fruit abilities even if they are not approved yet at the registration section. I hope that is alright.
Sample:
1642 Words:
 

__________________________________________________

''Dogs that run away to lick their wounds have no right to speak of justice. That is a rule of the sea.''


Last edited by Vephist D. Yhs on Sun Aug 23, 2015 8:00 am; edited 3 times in total
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Tsarna

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Position : Schichibukai
Berries : 478,300
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Skill 1: Fenikkiru
Skill 2: Tori Tori no mi: Model - Phoenix
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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sat Aug 22, 2015 5:29 pm

Crew: N/A
Position: Schichibukai
Tier: 1
Activity: Well, it depends on my working schedule a bit, but it would be still a lot - remember, how many islands I created in the event? xP
Why: Hmmmm...I think that as one of the early RPers on the site, it is only natural, that we get the positions, which the later players will strive to get: and if somebody occupies the spot, it is kinda more fun to do it and overally this enchants also the RP-World, if the stronger positions are occupied + the usual stuff like more power, blablabla.. Very Happy
Sample:

Rear-Admiral Juko was a strong, intelligent marine, who was given the task to capture a young pirate, who lately was making a name for himself - Tsarna. He found out, that this young pirate was staying on a island in East Blue, so he took a couple of his best fighters with him to capture Tsarna...

"TSARNAAAA!!! Wake up, it's already noon!" Anna shouted.
Tsarna opened slowly his eyes, looked at Anna and muttered something to himself, then stood up and ...
"Get dressed before you stand up, your naked, you know"
"Nah, I was planning to do a tour in the city naked, just for fun, Anna... Hahahaahhahaa, just kidding... And you seem kinda OK with me being naked like that"
"Well, it isn't anything spectacular about it, my friend" Anna said with a witty smile. "Get dressed! We need to meet up with Mazo on the market place, so we can gather all the materials to repair our "raft" and keep moving to the next island"

Tsarna got dressed and they both started to make their way to the market, when suddenly Mazo came running their way and shouting: "We have to run, the marines are here!" Tsarna replied: "We have fought marines before, haven't we? I think we can take them head on this time too. Besides - we need those materials to continue our journey and the market place is the only place we get them. Mazo, my friend, you are worrying too much, like always...".
"Tsarna, those aren't just some low-rank marine scumbags, those are kinda high-ranked officers of the organization - Read-Admiral Juko and his fighters. You...I mean we...can't take them lightly!"
"My friend, you are good informed, like always. So the marines have acknowledged my strength and sent someone with a high rank after me. That is kinda exciting. Anna and Mazo - let's think about our situation. Firstly, this is a pretty small island with one village and some trees growing around it. Secondly, we have nowhere to run, because our "ship" is broken. Thirdly ... ... ... well, I forgot about that, but the point is - we just have to confront the marines and fight them. That is the only way we can move forward on our journey. Agreed, my friends?" If Mazo and Anna have learned anything from the journey with Tsarna, it's the knowledge, that when he has made up his mind, then nothing's going to change it, so they both agreed with him to face the marines. The three young pirates started to make their way to the market place.

"So...You are the young pirate called Tsarna, who has made a name for himself in the East Blue by defeating a great amount of our men. You even defeated Commodore Uno" Juko said.
"Hmphh...Tsarna here, Tsarna there. We helped out too, you know!!" Anna replied to the remarks of the Rear-Admiral.
" Hahahhahahaa..Anna, you jelaous of me being the target? And Ju... whatever, the marines which I defeated, were standing in my way. It's is the same, if some pirates, like now, are standing in your way, isn't it?! But these three pirates are no pushovers, like the most of us scumb... You know what point I'm making with this dramatic speech, Read-Admiral somebody! So let us get over with this fast, Anna and Mazo - we have a ship to fix!"

The low-ranked marines formed a circle around Tsarna and the others, to start their attempts to restrain us. Anna and Mazo knew what to do, so they scattered, leaving me alone in the circle. Tsarna took his sword on the right hand and "Fenikkusu no senpū!", which created a whirlwind around me, and all the marines got hit by the attack and fell unconscious. "I see, you scum can't be taken lightly! Yo and Yu, you are up! Take him out! Rear-Admiral Juko shouted. As those two Captain-leveled marines were starting to make their assault towards me, they were stopped by Anna and Mazo.
"Tsarna, there is no point in you fighting them, I and Anna can handle them, I think....I'm sure! You can take out Juko!"
" Don't get your ass beaten, Tsarna."
" Thank you, friends! I'm not gonna lose! You both know that our journey has just started, so it is not gonna end here!" Tsarna replied to his both crew-mates. " I'm pretty lucky to have found two people like that, who I can gladly call my friends. They always protect my back, like I protect theirs!" Tsarna thought to himself and started to walk towards the Read-Admiral to end this clash.

"You honestly think that you greenhorn will win against a Read-Admiral of the Marines!?! I have to teach you some manners, so I am going to finish you up fast, but don't worry, it is going to be pretty painful, suitable for the trash you are!" Zuko shouted and meanwhile took off his marine cape. He leaped forward towards Tsarna and in the air he started to transform into a dog - he had a Zoan-type Devil Fruit, Inu Inu no mi - Model: Doberman. This took Tsarna by surprise and he couldn't defend against the attack. "Kogemasu!" the fully-transformed Rear-Admiral used his sharp teeth to bite into Tsarnas right shoulder, which had the effect, of Tsarna dropping his sword. The blood was flowing down Tsarnas shoulder.
"Tsarna, what are you doing?!?!" Anna shouted and started running towards the both, to get Zuko off Tsarna, but Yo cut off her way. ""Hahahahaha - I am still your opponent. Don't worry, the Rear-Admiral will kill him off quickly and then it's your turn to follow your friend into hell!"

"Anna, it's fine. This attack just took me by surp...prise. Damn, it hurts a lot too! Bu...t I'm not going to lose this fight, because I have goals which I must reach, before I can DIE IN PEACE! Don't think, that You are the only one, who has a surprise up his sleeve, Zuko!" And then, for the first time, which also came as a surprise to Anna and Mazo, Tsarna used his Devil Fruit, the Yami-Yami no mi! "Kurouzu!" Tsarna created a black vortex on his left hand and touched Zuko with the hand - in the moment he did that, Zuko lost his powers and transformed back to a human, "What the hell just happened?!?!?! You have a Devil Fruit too!" Tsarna nodded: "Yeah, that's the Yami-Yami no mi and it has the power to draw out any Devil Fruit powers from the user. This power will help me to reach my goals and now my goal is to defeat YOU!". Zuko couldn't move and Tsarna lifted up his sword and made his final attack "Fenifushū!", which cut the Rear-Admiral pretty badly, he coughed up blood and fell unconscious. "That's that! This fight is over.".

Meanwhile, Anna and Mazo also finished their clashes with Yo and Yu, leaving the high-ranked marines defeated.
"So you had a devil fruit and didn't tell us, eh?!"
"Well, eventually I would have told you. It isn't anything special yet, because I can only use that one attack with it - there is still much for me to learn about the powers of my devil fruit. I'm just glad, that you both are well and we can keep on going on our journey!" Tsarna smiled, then grabbed his right shoulder, which was still bleeding heavily from the fight.
"We have to tend to your wound for now. So, let us find a doctor. After that, we can fix our ship and continue our travels!"

"Unity is strength...when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved." Tsarna thought to himself.

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Azure Snow
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Position : Marine Captain
Berries : 110,000
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Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi
Skill 2: Gun Blade Style
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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sat Aug 22, 2015 5:42 pm

This is a work of Art! I would have loved to see the battle drawn out a bit more but i loved the interaction with the NPC's and the quote at the end put goosebumps throughout my body! Well done!!

By the powers of Crimson I dub thee Tsarna, Schichibukai! --- Before you became a Schichibukai your bounty was 204,700,000... You gained 26 Levels!


Tsarna wrote:
Crew: N/A
Position: Schichibukai
Tier: 1
Activity: Well, it depends on my working schedule a bit, but it would be still a lot - remember, how many islands I created in the event? xP
Why: Hmmmm...I think that as one of the early RPers on the site, it is only natural, that we get the positions, which the later players will strive to get: and if somebody occupies the spot, it is kinda more fun to do it and overally this enchants also the RP-World, if the stronger positions are occupied + the usual stuff like more power, blablabla.. Very Happy
Sample:

Rear-Admiral Juko was a strong, intelligent marine, who was given the task to capture a young pirate, who lately was making a name for himself - Tsarna. He found out, that this young pirate was staying on a island in East Blue, so he took a couple of his best fighters with him to capture Tsarna...

"TSARNAAAA!!! Wake up, it's already noon!" Anna shouted.
Tsarna opened slowly his eyes, looked at Anna and muttered something to himself, then stood up and ...
"Get dressed before you stand up, your naked, you know"
"Nah, I was planning to do a tour in the city naked, just for fun, Anna... Hahahaahhahaa, just kidding... And you seem kinda OK with me being naked like that"
"Well, it isn't anything spectacular about it, my friend" Anna said with a witty smile. "Get dressed! We need to meet up with Mazo on the market place, so we can gather all the materials to repair our "raft" and keep moving to the next island"

Tsarna got dressed and they both started to make their way to the market, when suddenly Mazo came running their way and shouting: "We have to run, the marines are here!" Tsarna replied: "We have fought marines before, haven't we? I think we can take them head on this time too. Besides - we need those materials to continue our journey and the market place is the only place we get them. Mazo, my friend, you are worrying too much, like always...".
"Tsarna, those aren't just some low-rank marine scumbags, those are kinda high-ranked officers of the organization - Read-Admiral Juko and his fighters. You...I mean we...can't take them lightly!"
"My friend, you are good informed, like always. So the marines have acknowledged my strength and sent someone with a high rank after me. That is kinda exciting. Anna and Mazo - let's think about our situation. Firstly, this is a pretty small island with one village and some trees growing around it. Secondly, we have nowhere to run, because our "ship" is broken. Thirdly ... ... ... well, I forgot about that, but the point is - we just have to confront the marines and fight them. That is the only way we can move forward on our journey. Agreed, my friends?" If Mazo and Anna have learned anything from the journey with Tsarna, it's the knowledge, that when he has made up his mind, then nothing's going to change it, so they both agreed with him to face the marines. The three young pirates started to make their way to the market place.

"So...You are the young pirate called Tsarna, who has made a name for himself in the East Blue by defeating a great amount of our men. You even defeated Commodore Uno" Juko said.
"Hmphh...Tsarna here, Tsarna there. We helped out too, you know!!" Anna replied to the remarks of the Rear-Admiral.
" Hahahhahahaa..Anna, you jelaous of me being the target? And Ju... whatever, the marines which I defeated, were standing in my way. It's is the same, if some pirates, like now, are standing in your way, isn't it?! But these three pirates are no pushovers, like the most of us scumb... You know what point I'm making with this dramatic speech, Read-Admiral somebody! So let us get over with this fast, Anna and Mazo - we have a ship to fix!"

The low-ranked marines formed a circle around Tsarna and the others, to start their attempts to restrain us. Anna and Mazo knew what to do, so they scattered, leaving me alone in the circle. Tsarna took his sword on the right hand and "Fenikkusu no senpū!", which created a whirlwind around me, and all the marines got hit by the attack and fell unconscious. "I see, you scum can't be taken lightly! Yo and Yu, you are up! Take him out! Rear-Admiral Juko shouted. As those two Captain-leveled marines were starting to make their assault towards me, they were stopped by Anna and Mazo.
"Tsarna, there is no point in you fighting them, I and Anna can handle them, I think....I'm sure! You can take out Juko!"
" Don't get your ass beaten, Tsarna."
" Thank you, friends! I'm not gonna lose! You both know that our journey has just started, so it is not gonna end here!" Tsarna replied to his both crew-mates. " I'm pretty lucky to have found two people like that, who I can gladly call my friends. They always protect my back, like I protect theirs!" Tsarna thought to himself and started to walk towards the Read-Admiral to end this clash.

"You honestly think that you greenhorn will win against a Read-Admiral of the Marines!?! I have to teach you some manners, so I am going to finish you up fast, but don't worry, it is going to be pretty painful, suitable for the trash you are!" Zuko shouted and meanwhile took off his marine cape. He leaped forward towards Tsarna and in the air he started to transform into a dog - he had a Zoan-type Devil Fruit, Inu Inu no mi - Model: Doberman. This took Tsarna by surprise and he couldn't defend against the attack. "Kogemasu!" the fully-transformed Rear-Admiral used his sharp teeth to bite into Tsarnas right shoulder, which had the effect, of Tsarna dropping his sword. The blood was flowing down Tsarnas shoulder.
"Tsarna, what are you doing?!?!" Anna shouted and started running towards the both, to get Zuko off Tsarna, but Yo cut off her way. ""Hahahahaha - I am still your opponent. Don't worry, the Rear-Admiral will kill him off quickly and then it's your turn to follow your friend into hell!"

"Anna, it's fine. This attack just took me by surp...prise. Damn, it hurts a lot too! Bu...t I'm not going to lose this fight, because I have goals which I must reach, before I can DIE IN PEACE! Don't think, that You are the only one, who has a surprise up his sleeve, Zuko!" And then, for the first time, which also came as a surprise to Anna and Mazo, Tsarna used his Devil Fruit, the Yami-Yami no mi! "Kurouzu!" Tsarna created a black vortex on his left hand and touched Zuko with the hand - in the moment he did that, Zuko lost his powers and transformed back to a human, "What the hell just happened?!?!?! You have a Devil Fruit too!" Tsarna nodded: "Yeah, that's the Yami-Yami no mi and it has the power to draw out any Devil Fruit powers from the user. This power will help me to reach my goals and now my goal is to defeat YOU!". Zuko couldn't move and Tsarna lifted up his sword and made his final attack "Fenifushū!", which cut the Rear-Admiral pretty badly, he coughed up blood and fell unconscious. "That's that! This fight is over.".

Meanwhile, Anna and Mazo also finished their clashes with Yo and Yu, leaving the high-ranked marines defeated.
"So you had a devil fruit and didn't tell us, eh?!"
"Well, eventually I would have told you. It isn't anything special yet, because I can only use that one attack with it - there is still much for me to learn about the powers of my devil fruit. I'm just glad, that you both are well and we can keep on going on our journey!" Tsarna smiled, then grabbed his right shoulder, which was still bleeding heavily from the fight.
"We have to tend to your wound for now. So, let us find a doctor. After that, we can fix our ship and continue our travels!"

"Unity is strength...when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved." Tsarna thought to himself.

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Mari Kuribayashi

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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sat Aug 22, 2015 7:17 pm

Crew: Dream Eater Pirates
Position: SuperNova
Tier: 1
Activity: I can be as active as necessary, I can be on daily even. However, my only exception is that I have other websites that and a job that requires u attention as well but other than that, I think I can be pretty active. I understand that I have not been very active as of late but that was mainly because RL kept me busy and I was waiting on my character to be approved. Anyways, I will be more active if I have people to RP with and have the position of course Wink jk
Why: I have been RPing since late 2011 or early 2012, and overtime have developed a good RP style. While I'm VERY new to this forum, I have been on my fair share of RP sites and I think I could do a lot of interesting topics if I had the supernova position.
Sample:

Mari's Marine Butt Kicking Adventure:
 

This is Aika BTW, I killed her off and this is my new character.

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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sat Aug 22, 2015 8:51 pm


IN RESPONSE TO MARI

As you have asked in the chat, your application will not be graded. As I have said, I will be posting my review anyways since I have already taken the time to do so; in the end, it should be beneficial for all parties anyways. You will have some insight into what I will specifically be on the look out for as well as what I thought of your RP Sample for future reference for the following one. Just go ahead and post the new sample after this bit. So without further ado, here is my take on the application.

First, let me address the portions aside from the RP Sample and get that out of the way. As some of you may have realised by now, when it comes to a Laplace review, details outside of an RP Sample is rarely stressed. Whatever tier you are is of little concern at the moment since we generally give an EXP boost to accommodate that growth. Additionally, it's fairly clear to see the "why" for anyone in attaining a position, no matter what they put down; certainly, the specifics vary, but as far as I am concerned it all generally falls into the template of "to be". Now then, on to the main topic.

Grammar and sentence structure and flow are fairly negligible in my book when it comes to a position such as the Super Nova; so long as it isn't atrocious and legible, and the point of what's being said comes across reasonably, I have no qualms. Your RP Sample does not fall outside the norm. There are points which can be improved, but they're fairly standard mistakes that everyone makes, myself included--really, there's no problem here.

Instead, it is the rarer "storyline" that is the issue. There's no discrepancies in the beginning of the sample that raise any alarms, particularly because they just feed the reader context--a motive in prologue. Unfortunately, this bit hasn't truly encompassed what kind of character Mari is. I didn't take a look at your application, but at some point I felt urged to do so. The reason she left the castle and went off on a journey is straight forward, but what is the reasoning behind the specific actions she takes, such as fighting of the ruckus-causing marines; as a matter of fact, why did she choose specifically to become a pirate as opposed to, literally, any other available profession?

Another major thing was the exact inverse; what is the reasoning behind the NPCs actions? Why did the guards unanimously decide to let a child single-handedly manning a ship enter with nothing more than a nod? I can guess at why she looked for crew members, but there is no substantial clarification on that matter. Why did she think crew members were essential to the plan of becoming Pirate Queen? For a person who sought freedom from the life of royalty by total escape from the only society he was exposed to, one would expect Mari to be a fairly individualistic person.

There were others things to take note of in the NPCs reactions to Mari that I'd like to point out, but the gist of what I'm saying's there so I won't assume a necessity in taking further examples. Just, take into account that while NPCs by basis aren't particularly important or depth'd, they still represent figures with conscience and reasoning. Contrary to shounen manga, not every fodder character opposing our protagonist lacks competence.

More than anything, her extremely straight-forward pace, that certainly gives her an eccentric flavour that seems to come to the point of unique in contrast to most characters who have some sort of deterring characteristic. As someone who avidly roleplays similar characters that take on the Whirling-Eddy archetype, as is I have a favourable opinion towards her "no rhyme or reason" plan of action; the only problem is, that conflicts with the first three paragraphs that purely act as context. At this point, the entire RP Sample now makes absolutely no sense as there's a stronger lack of continuity than the surprisingly not-so-contrasting lack of linear structure found in the Bleach anime, an entity riddled with time-defying fillers.

So, there you have it. That's basically my complete review on your application. It wasn't difficult to read in the least, which is often the main subject of difficulty when reading RP Samples; instead, I just found myself repetitively asking templated questions that start with "why". Please do keep all this in mind as you create your alternate RP Sample; to be blunt, this one was going to be denied. Fortunately, I was given good reason not to, as Azure had pointed out that little bit concerning a lack of mention towards Mari's status as a Super Nova. So, that in mind, there is no need to wait three days. I look forward to seeing the new one.

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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:35 pm

My New RP sample

Mari's Supernova Adventure:
 

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Vephist D. Yhs

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Position : Shichibukai
Posts : 139

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Skill 1: Gravity Fruit
Skill 2: Yhs Kenjutsu
Skill 3:

PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sun Aug 23, 2015 8:09 am

Bumping here because you left the chatbox I finished my sample and my ''why''. The application is at page 2.

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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sun Aug 23, 2015 9:06 am


IN RESPONSE TO MARI

As I've said in the chatbox, putting aside the minor grammar things that are fairly negligible, this RP Sample is kept simplistic and straightforward, and it's pleasing to see that without going off in a complicated direction it has basically become flawless. At least, in terms of the addressed issues I pointed out previously. To match, I'll keep this post sweet and short as well; you have my approval for becoming a Super Nova. With a second approval, it will be official.

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Azure Snow
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Position : Marine Captain
Berries : 110,000
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Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi
Skill 2: Gun Blade Style
Skill 3:

PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sun Aug 23, 2015 9:20 am

Love it! Oh damn.. I didnt know you had a Super Long Katana like that. I look forward to facing off against you- However! Back to the task at hand.

You have my Approval! Now just one more and you have it!

Vephist D. Yhs wrote:
Crew: N/A
Position: Shichibukai
Tier: 1
Activity: All day all night (seriously, I'm online most of the time)
Why: Vephist D. Yhs is walking around the world with a god, king and messiah complex. He believes himself to stand above all humans and because of his enormous power that lies within his Gravity devil fruit, the World Government inquired whether Vephist would like to take one of the seven seats of the Oka Shichibukai. Because of this position, Vephist is allowed to do whatever he wants but with óne condition: he would have to help the World Government out the same way in One Piece the Shichibukai fought on the Navy's side during the Marineford War.

Note:
- Should I be granted this position, I would like to bump Vephist's age and height/weight up.
- In the sample, I will use equipment and devil fruit abilities even if they are not approved yet at the registration section. I hope that is alright.
Sample:
1642 Words:
 

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Azure Snow
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Position : Marine Captain
Berries : 110,000
Posts : 1037

Skill Sheet
Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi
Skill 2: Gun Blade Style
Skill 3:

PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sun Aug 23, 2015 9:31 am

I congratulate you~ I also Approve of you being a Super Nova!

You Now have a 83,000,000 Bounty placed on your head and a 18 Level Boost!


Mari Kuribayashi wrote:
My New RP sample

Mari's Supernova Adventure:
 

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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sun Aug 23, 2015 10:02 am


IN RESPONSE TO VEPHIST

I'd like to keep this fairly short and sweet as well. Basically, you have my approval, and will subsequently gain a rare Laplace-decided bounty and level gain. All in all, the reasoning behind my approval lies in the flow of the story, following direction, and many little things I appreciated that induced the great feeling of reading the chapter of a Web Novel. For a person such as I that avidly reads Web Novels, I particularly favour a roleplay sample that can do this. Setting aside minor issues with sentence-structure and bits of grammar, this sample is extremely well made. Starting off the story in mention of one of the NPCs was a great choice and immersed me into seeing a world portrayed through words. That alone gave some level of substance and depth to these entirely insignificant NPCs, and the follow-through in giving Hal and his subordinates a level of competence is an infinite plus. Especially since there was an actual battle that took place, and not just a one-sided slaughter in which the protagonist of our story doesn't display overwhelming strength before his enemies, but is actually engaging in diverse combat. The explanations of each action during the battle is fairly specific, and you can't really go any other way when it comes to roleplaying. That being said, I feel it's warranted my personal judgement on what rewards you should get.

+210,000,000 Bounty
+41,000 EXP (LEVEL 26)

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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sun Aug 23, 2015 10:18 am

After some deliberation, it's been decided that Vephist will be receiving an additional 24,000 EXP points, effectively boosting his level to 32, and final EXP amount at 65,000.

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Vephist D. Yhs

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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sun Aug 23, 2015 10:39 am

I feel so flattered ^^ If you will, I'd like to know what mistakes I made in sentence structure and grammar so I will learn from them.

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Kitteh

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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Mon Aug 24, 2015 8:16 am


Crew: Tinker pirates
Position: Super Nova
Tier: 1rst tier
Activity: laughing so hard I am on every day for almost every hour
Why: The reasons are really simple. I am going to be a captain of a crew, I am a devil fruit user and I have a group of yolo pirates. The word yolo (You only live once) means we only live once and do all we can to in the meantime. I kitteh D. Beaver am a humble captain who gets things done. My friend Ransen first mate of my crew practices his sword techniques and my second is filled with shenanigans. So right now you are thinking, "Why are you fit for this position"? The answer is simple. Kitteh Knows how to lead this pirate sea to victory and to lead these pirates to what they need. Kitteh has been known to not kill, but he can certainly rob all the banks in the world at record time, and create killer dolls and mechanical or wax T-rex. In this sample you will see just why he fits for this position.
Sample:"Well guys we have made it in town, so who wants ice cream!"

Kitteh was not about to get ice cream and they all knew it. The reason these men were so excited was that they were gonna rob another bank. After the bank though it could have been slightly debatable, as Kitteh absolutely was petrified from boredom. This routine of robbing banks had lasted seven full years so far. They as pirates had even been known for robbing other pirates. If someone was gonna get the loot in the end it was them. Kitteh could just hear the excitement going all around the people here."alright everyone settle down, I think we might find some marines, so be on the lookout".As kitteh walked into this town all they heard was whispers of "thats Tinker head kitteh" As he walked into the bank he could hear the fear from outside. Instead of staying together he said "guys you can wait outside I am going in myself". Kitteh walked in and as usual all he had to do was march politely to the end of the bank. The very first time he had to fight them all, but in the recent ones it seemed that the marines had learned better. Kitteh filled a bag he had with gold and walked out the door when he heard the sound "Captain come and get us"! Kaito ran outside slowly creating a cannon in his arm and when he finally got out he saw five marines. These Marines looked about twenty times the size of kitteh. In that moment kitteh heard from in front a man that said "Tinker head Kitteh, we have got you now, look around your crew is down and your surrounded" With this kitteh looked at the previously said crew members on the ground, and winked. At that moment Kitteh started shooting the cannonballs one at a time. The marines took giant hits, and it was not until the last one that it was caught. As their leader caught one of the wax balls and tried to drop it on the ground it softened around the leader’s skin and he yelped. "Get it off me, get it away from my body". But, after the last attempt to speak kitteh picked up a sword lying on the ground from an unconscious body and put it up to the man’s throat.[color=#ccffff]"tell your friends chump, how you let a pirate get into this bank and steal your money. As kitteh gathered his Pirates, they all had thoughts of ice cream donuts and entertainment sitting in their heads.

kitteh sat at the local tavern now laughing with his crew, None of them had died, and they had robbed a bank so an all around good day. Kitteh was on his first step to becoming the most creative pirate there ever was. He remembered on the first day he left his mother saying "son, do us proud and become a pirate for me". Kitteh could not see hi mom anymore, in time it had been two years since he had started his journey and one year from when she died. Kitteh never really liked to talk much about it, but in reality he had his crew and that was all he needed. As Kitteh got up he saw his crew was waiting for him to get back to his ship and sail away once again. Kitteh had a life ahead of him and this was it.

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Succubus Blake

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Position : Supernova
Posts : 100

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Skill 1: Doku Doku no mi
Skill 2: N/A
Skill 3: N/A

PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:53 pm

Crew: The Cheshire Harlequins
Position: Supernova
Tier: Tier 1
Activity: 2-8 hours a day
Why: Blake is a rebel with a cause, so to speak. By going around, spreading fear and violence, she hopes to do only one thing. Start equality. Things have been unfair for too long, men and women a like have been looked down upon for reasons dredged up by the social quota, and Blake hopes that by burning down the people who uphold this social quota, she can bring equality to all. Also, being a survivor of the tragedy that struck her home, Twilight island, already proves that she is strong, both physically for coming out alive, and mentally for coming out mentally stable.

Sample:
RP Sample: 853 words:
 

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Laplace

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Posts : 56

PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Tue Aug 25, 2015 7:58 pm


IN RESPONSE TO KITTEH

So, I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to respond to this. There are some grammar errors, nothing particularly inhibiting. Uhm... the story and accompanying factors aren't quite incomprehensible, though some movements are difficult to understand given the lack of detail. To be honest, it doesn't feel like on-par quality with the minimum expectancy for at least a Super Nova, but it's difficult to pinpoint what's wrong. There's nothing which stands out, it's all monotone and apathetic. It's as if I'm reading a summary of an event with a few bits of dialogue, and not an actual story or role play post. The last paragraph was totally unexpected as well, hardly fitting in to the rest of the post. I mean, it gives a bit of context I suppose, but the awkward placement alone--not to mention the irrelevance given the road the sample up to that point had gone down--was enough for me to question it's existence entirely. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice to put into this review given my difficult time evaluating it. All I can say is, do feel free to try again in three days, as this application has been denied.


IN RESPONSE TO BLAKE

Also not much to say here. It was a slow start and fairly uninteresting at the beginning. The sentence flow was also interrupted at a few points where I didn't quite understand what was going on. Fortunately, it only happened in the beginning, which didn't seem to hold much significance aside from mentioning an embellished setting and what her crew was preoccupied with. After that? It was great. Not sure what was going on in the first bit of the sample, but the subsequent half kept me reading, especially the dialogue that was in theme cliche, but specifically interesting and a bit more immersive. There was a bit more emotion conveyed that made the situation seem realer. I especially liked the smooth introduction of your character's position after the stereotypical "underestimation and quarrel with the main character", and the bit concerning her relationship with the bartender. I myself was interested in what was going on between the two, and came to feel disappointed and unfulfilled when it was never mentioned, longing for more. So, all in all, very good RP Sample, and from me, you get your first approval. The next staff member should eventually come over and pick it up.

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Azure Snow
The Owner
The Owner
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Position : Marine Captain
Berries : 110,000
Posts : 1037

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Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi
Skill 2: Gun Blade Style
Skill 3:

PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Wed Aug 26, 2015 8:08 pm

Well then! I now grant you the Position of Super Nova! You gain +27 Levels & 147,000,000 Bounty.



Succubus Blake wrote:
Crew: The Cheshire Harlequins
Position: Supernova
Tier: Tier 1
Activity: 2-8 hours a day
Why: Blake is a rebel with a cause, so to speak. By going around, spreading fear and violence, she hopes to do only one thing. Start equality. Things have been unfair for too long, men and women a like have been looked down upon for reasons dredged up by the social quota, and Blake hopes that by burning down the people who uphold this social quota, she can bring equality to all. Also, being a survivor of the tragedy that struck her home, Twilight island, already proves that she is strong, both physically for coming out alive, and mentally for coming out mentally stable.

Sample:
RP Sample:
 

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Prankster
First Generation
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Position : -
Berries : 0
Posts : 320

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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Wed Aug 26, 2015 9:09 pm

Crew: cheshire harlequines
Position: supernova
Tier: Tier 1
Activity: I can be on for 2 to 5 hours a day
Why: a supernova is a badass and im one world government and marine alike cant do nothing about it Crystal Dragons best watch they backs
Sample: my skills im still working on them but my fruit ( bari baru no mi) has been approved and snow said we could do task without much skills as we can still kick and punch ect...

there has been reports of a man in clown clothing in Kirkuk town over in south blue since we already by the town and by we I mean me rear admiral pong shall go take a look if it is who I think it is its about damn time roger out... ( he hangs up the sailphone) sir Kirkuk town is within sight we should arrive shortlygood theres no way he'll be getting away from me this time full sails a head...Meanwhile in Kirkuk town a big brawl was taking place it appears a jester like man was causing trouble in a local restaurant..the jester drinks sake then throws the empty glass at the tall guy hitting him in the head angering him the tall guy gets mad then rushes the jester he lunches a punch seemingly hitting the jester in the face the man felled back shouting my hand my hand I broke my hand...the jester smiled a wicked smile ...try as you might try as you will by the end of the night the weakest will be killed saying that freak out most of the men it appears there was at least 10 of them 3 laid out unconscious while the other 6 ranned leaving the tall guy in fear has eyes has fear in them as the jester begin to walk towards him the man then said please please spare my life I don't wont to die the jester looks as he slowly walked past him he stopped behind him turned around then whisper in his left ear...I have no interest in playing with broking toys ive came looking for a fight instead I get boredom what a drag he gets up and look at the waiter...so how much I owe you for the meal the waiter looked around in fear as the restaurant was destroyed umm its on the housevery well and wise prankster said as he walked outside going down the road as the townsfolk watched him go into a small hut just around that time rear admiral pong arrived in town the rear admiral looked around wondering what had happened the townsfolk told him of what had happened and told him about a clown who caused it all...so it is him yeah ok men search high and low for him I want this whole damn city flipped upside down if need be then a young girl said or you could go into that snall house up the road that was the last place we all saw him go rear admiral pong looked then him and his team of 20 rookie marines followed him to the small house where prankster seemingly was waiting... for ten minutes pong told prankster to come out after said time he did make his way outside to face themso you finally showed yourself clown your coming with me a clown or a fool which would you rather be think long and hard on that one why you theres reports of a clown going around causing trouble I know its you your going down i have been causing trouble but I don't know nothing of this clown you speak of ENOUGH!!! pong shouted then he yell men take him out one chance is all he get ... 3 soldiers ran towards him but prankster quickly jumped back as the men ran up again prankster crossed his fingers knocking them back as the other men looked on 5 more was knocked back shocking pong...what the hell was that he must be a devil fruit user men don't engage him with melee fire the marine 12 in counting started shooting at prankster only for him to stand there then fall to his knees seeing this pong order his men to charge at prankster as soon as 6 of them came within meters of him they was knocked back unconscious this alerted pong so much he didn't realize his sailphone was ringing as he order the last of his men to attack prankster onevran up and tried to punch him but prankster balled up his fist to clash with the marines prankster smiled as he was knocked back seeing this pong did his dash stepkeep him busy im going to crush him   one bye one the marine rookies got knocked out then pong roared as he ran towards prankster just as he was about to punch him he tripped over a rock rolling right in front of prankster as soon as he held his head up he saw prankster cross his arms he slightly smiledjust what are you and who is youim a barrier human and co captain of the harlequines pirates saying that he knocked pong back rear admiral pong was barely conscious as prankster heard the sailphone then picked it up and walked towards pong it ranged again prankster answered it and remain silence after a few moments he said send help the only joke here is a killer one

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I don't judge people based off their sex who or what sex they like or who they worship or by they race. So don't judge me if I'm being  a little silly I'm a prankster after all.. At the end of the day we are who we are and that's human... And yes I'm no Yale English language teacher umma misspell a lot of ish.
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Radley

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Position : 2nd:Supernova
Berries : 500,000
Posts : 75

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Skill 1: Grill Fist
Skill 2: N/A
Skill 3: N/A

PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Thu Aug 27, 2015 4:36 pm

Crew: Dream Eater Pirates
Position: Supernova
Tier: Tier 1
Activity: I’m usually online whenever my laptop is open. I generally keep the site open and check back periodically through the day. Only future issues might be around big exam weeks like Midterms and Finals week and a couple days where I go visit home or am visited from home.
Why: Radley is a tough as nails guy that loves a good brawl and good food. He seeks to increase his power and strength so that he may one day become a legendary figure to the eyes of the world.  He is a protector for what he believes, whether that be some personal policy or related to his crew, and will fight ( or cook) to protect those ideals. I feel that something that might be kind of eye-catching about Radley is his sheer strength and ruthlessness that he ends up projecting during a fight. With a devilish grin and lots of wicked punches, this is one rookie keep an eye on.

Sample:
Sample: contains some cursing (Hope you enjoy!):
 


Also managed to come up with an epithet I like. Have a nice day!

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Azure Snow
The Owner
The Owner
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Position : Marine Captain
Berries : 110,000
Posts : 1037

Skill Sheet
Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi
Skill 2: Gun Blade Style
Skill 3:

PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Thu Aug 27, 2015 5:52 pm

I really liked how you did this. Smile I also love scenes of Pubs, Taverns and Restaurants- So I did Enjoy it. I think you would be a grand Supernova. You have my approval. one more. Wink

Radley wrote:
Crew: Dream Eater Pirates
Position: Supernova
Tier: Tier 1
Activity: I’m usually online whenever my laptop is open. I generally keep the site open and check back periodically through the day. Only future issues might be around big exam weeks like Midterms and Finals week and a couple days where I go visit home or am visited from home.
Why: Radley is a tough as nails guy that loves a good brawl and good food. He seeks to increase his power and strength so that he may one day become a legendary figure to the eyes of the world.  He is a protector for what he believes, whether that be some personal policy or related to his crew, and will fight ( or cook) to protect those ideals. I feel that something that might be kind of eye-catching about Radley is his sheer strength and ruthlessness that he ends up projecting during a fight. With a devilish grin and lots of wicked punches, this is one rookie keep an eye on.

Sample:
Sample:
 


Also managed to come up with an epithet I like. Have a nice day!

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Azure Snow
The Owner
The Owner
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Position : Marine Captain
Berries : 110,000
Posts : 1037

Skill Sheet
Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi
Skill 2: Gun Blade Style
Skill 3:

PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Thu Aug 27, 2015 5:58 pm



Well, With this one, It wasn't quite what I like to see. Spelling Errors, Sentence flow and other things of the like are important to me and in order to make a master piece you must have these things. I think once you improve these certain things your RPing Skills will improve to where you might just apply for the Position and get approved for it. but unfortunately Today is not your day. You may try again in 7 days.


prankster wrote:
Crew: cheshire harlequines
Position: supernova
Tier: Tier 1
Activity: I can be on for 2 to 5 hours a day
Why: a supernova is a badass and im one world government and marine alike cant do nothing about it Crystal Dragons best watch they backs
Sample: my skills im still working on them but my fruit ( bari baru no mi) has been approved and snow said we could do task without much skills as we can still kick and punch ect...

there has been reports of a man in clown clothing in Kirkuk town over in south blue since we already by the town and by we I mean me rear admiral pong shall go take a look if it is who I think it is its about damn time roger out... ( he hangs up the sailphone) sir  Kirkuk town is within sight we should arrive shortlygood theres no way he'll be getting away from me this time full sails a head...Meanwhile in Kirkuk town a big brawl was taking place it appears a jester like man was causing trouble in a local restaurant..the jester drinks sake then throws the empty glass at the tall guy hitting him in the head angering him the tall guy gets mad then rushes the jester he lunches a punch seemingly hitting the jester in the face the man felled back shouting my hand my hand I broke my hand...the jester smiled a wicked smile ...try as you might try as you will by the end of the night the weakest will be killed saying that freak out most of the men it appears there was at least 10 of them 3 laid out unconscious while the other 6 ranned leaving the tall guy in fear has eyes has fear in them as the jester begin to walk towards him the man then said please please spare my life I don't wont to die the jester looks as he slowly walked past him he stopped behind him turned around then whisper in his left ear...I have no interest in playing with broking toys ive came looking for a fight instead I get boredom what a drag he gets up and look at the waiter...so how much I owe you for the meal the waiter looked around in fear as the restaurant was destroyed umm its on the housevery well and wise prankster said as he walked outside going down the road as the townsfolk watched him go into a small hut just around that time rear admiral pong arrived in town the rear admiral looked around wondering what had happened the townsfolk told him of what had happened and told him about a clown who caused it all...so it is him yeah ok men search high and low for him I want this whole damn city flipped upside down if need be then a young girl said or you could go into that snall house up the road that was the last place we all saw him go rear admiral pong looked then him and his team of 20 rookie marines followed him to the small house where prankster seemingly was waiting... for ten minutes pong told prankster to come out after said time he did make his way outside to face themso you finally showed yourself clown your coming with me a clown or a fool which would you rather be think long and hard on that one why you theres reports of a clown going around causing trouble I know its you your going down i have been causing trouble but I don't know nothing of this clown you speak of ENOUGH!!! pong shouted then he yell men take him out one chance is all he get ... 3 soldiers ran towards him but prankster quickly jumped back as the men ran up again prankster crossed his fingers knocking them back as the other men looked on 5 more was knocked back shocking pong...what the hell was that he must be a devil fruit user men don't engage him with melee fire the marine 12 in counting started shooting at prankster only for him to stand there then fall to his knees seeing this pong order his men to charge at prankster as soon as 6 of them came within meters of him they was knocked back unconscious this alerted pong so much he didn't realize his sailphone was ringing as he order the last of his men to attack prankster onevran up and tried to punch him but prankster balled up his fist to clash with the marines prankster smiled as he was knocked back seeing this pong did his dash stepkeep him busy im going to crush him   one bye one the marine rookies got knocked out then pong roared as he ran towards prankster just as he was about to punch him he tripped over a rock rolling right in front of prankster as soon as he held his head up he saw prankster cross his arms he slightly smiledjust what are you and who is youim a barrier human and co captain of the harlequines pirates saying that he knocked pong back rear admiral pong was barely conscious as prankster heard the sailphone then picked it up and walked towards pong it ranged again prankster answered it and remain silence after a few moments he said send help the only joke here is a killer one

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Ser Random

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Berries : 22,300,000
Posts : 233

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PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:33 pm

Crew: N/A(Just call me the next Mihawk ;o)
Position: Shichibukai, because why not?
Tier: 1
Activity: I spend a lot of time here q.q
Why: Because my pirate is going to be a bad ass and needs a title that matches his bad assery and I don't feel like being a warlord at the current point in time.
Sample:
The Terror of T.:
 
(Note this may not actually be "warlord accurate strength", but its a sample so I kinda went a lil wild and didn't want to get into 100% detail/reality with things.)
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Draco D. Killdread

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Posts : 44

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Skill 1: Seinaru seinaru no Mi
Skill 2: Rokushiki
Skill 3: Bosushoki-Haki

PostSubject: Holy fist DDS   Fri Aug 28, 2015 2:51 pm

Crew: The Legends
Position: Super Nova
Tier: 1
Activity: 3-5 hours depends
Why: because all will know the name of holy DDS
Sample: As i began to walk down the spiraling road of mt havoc,i started to hear fluttering."tch" shrugging off the near by threats.
"Pop-pop"...."pop-pop" popping noises i thought to myself "hmm" rear admril Korks.
red Im not here to chat Draco lets go.

He dashed towards me nearly knocking me of the mountain side..."panting pant-pant" catching my breath i lunged at him using my (Seinaru Seinaru fruit powers) catching the tip of his marine coat.Dammit he's fast.

Korks:"HEEEY" yelling Korks,up here ya dumbshit.

"BOOM-BOOM"as the sound of Korks 10mm canons exploded causing a landslide of boulders to come crashing down.As i jumped he threw a right straight at incredible speed causing me to twist at a tremendous speed towards the mountain side crashing against it."DAMMIT" i yelled,rushing the admril throwing a barrage of holy fire after dodging the fire Korks didnt see me as i hide behind a nearby boulder.shit i thought to myself,this asshole is to be messed with.

Korks:"Ooohh mister Draco where are you".....

DDS:Right here you oversized p-p-piig"!!

Korks began ignitiating protocal V (the destruction of mt havoc).
Damn you Korks getting in close,and throwing several flame induced kicks stumbling the rea admril.
Jumping back,as he start's to catch his balance,i started to hear loud battle cry's as 50 marines and another rear admril started
getting closer and closer."This is bad" thinking to myself how im gonna get out of here."Bang- Bang- Bang" as the sound of flintlock pistols and rifles ringed across the mountain side.

Korks:Its over" we will capture you..then torture you....and finally you will meet your grave

DDS:And your the good guys?...dont make me laught i'll slaughter the lot of ya and be on my way.My crew is waiting for me and im afraid to to tell you i wont let them down.

Jumping,then throwing several knives at Korks catching him once in his right calf and twice in his upper right thighUsing the momentum from the jump i whipped out my holy fist technique hitting the rear admril sending him flying towards his peers.One marine started slashing at me with his cutless parrying it with a stone off the ground i then smashed it on his head.One after another i was attacked dodging almost every hit,ending up at a ledge behind everyone.
Is this it....thinking of the crew i blacked out entering a baserk rage"..i..i...i will not DIE"!!!!! punching one marine,kicking the next sending him flying.I grabbed one marine throwing him off the ledge.Roundhouse,axe kick,elbow,fist,foot,one after another they cought my wrath.noticing i had made just enough space between me in them,i lept off the mountain side falling 50feet.As i was falling i again thought of the crew......just to be saved by them.
As i looked up to see the captain holding me i pasted out...but she muttered to me

Captain:All is well Draco we'll handle the rest


Last edited by Draco D Killdread on Sat Aug 29, 2015 9:35 am; edited 4 times in total
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Eden D. Scythe

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Position : Supernova
Posts : 202

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Skill 1: Ryū Hikō
Skill 2: Sora Dōmō
Skill 3:

PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sat Aug 29, 2015 9:11 am

To be put simply, I really liked this sample. It really shows off the character's personality, and though the story was a bit weak, it was still noticeably present. Just a couple of things really stood out. First, a couple times in the sample, you use 2nd person POV and that is usually a big, big no-no in RP. The other thing I noticed was that in a few places, you switched tenses. While you only did so a few times throughout the whole thing, it's still a pretty big deal. Aside from those things, you had some grammatical errors but it wasn't so bad that it ruined my experience with reading. All in all, I say you have my approval for Shichibukai, though I feel that your bounty should be no more than 200,000,000 Beli, considering the errors I mentioned. I hope that what I've said will help you to become an even better writer from now on. You need one more approval.

Elron T. Ikari wrote:
Crew: N/A(Just call me the next Mihawk ;o)
Position: Shichibukai, because why not?
Tier: 1
Activity: I spend a lot of time here q.q
Why: Because my pirate is going to be a bad ass and needs a title that matches his bad assery and I don't feel like being a warlord at the current point in time.
Sample:
The Terror of T.:
 
(Note this may not actually be "warlord accurate strength", but its a sample so I kinda went a lil wild and didn't want to get into 100% detail/reality with things.)

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Eden D. Scythe

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Position : Supernova
Posts : 202

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Skill 1: Ryū Hikō
Skill 2: Sora Dōmō
Skill 3:

PostSubject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration   Sat Aug 29, 2015 9:20 am

Quite simply this gets my second approval. While you did use a bit too much dialogue in my opinion, you had a decent story going on and I enjoyed the use of your character's personality. Though from now on, I'd like to see more emphasis on your character's state of mind, rather than dialogue. While dialogue is important in some aspects, the most enjoyable thing to read is what is going on in the character's mind. What makes them really tick. Other than that, well done.

Azure D. Snow wrote:
I really liked how you did this. Smile I also love scenes of Pubs, Taverns and Restaurants- So I did Enjoy it. I think you would be a grand Supernova. You have my approval. one more. Wink

Radley wrote:
Crew: Dream Eater Pirates
Position: Supernova
Tier: Tier 1
Activity: I’m usually online whenever my laptop is open. I generally keep the site open and check back periodically through the day. Only future issues might be around big exam weeks like Midterms and Finals week and a couple days where I go visit home or am visited from home.
Why: Radley is a tough as nails guy that loves a good brawl and good food. He seeks to increase his power and strength so that he may one day become a legendary figure to the eyes of the world.  He is a protector for what he believes, whether that be some personal policy or related to his crew, and will fight ( or cook) to protect those ideals. I feel that something that might be kind of eye-catching about Radley is his sheer strength and ruthlessness that he ends up projecting during a fight. With a devilish grin and lots of wicked punches, this is one rookie keep an eye on.

Sample:
Sample:
 


Also managed to come up with an epithet I like. Have a nice day!

__________________________________________________
Approval Stamp:
 

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