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 The Desert king ( primary skillset) Done

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TrillionTrillaTunka

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Position : Paradise Pirate
Berries : 5,000,000
Posts : 28

Skill Sheet
Skill 1: Suna Suna No Mi
Skill 2: Historian
Skill 3: could read or write any thing

PostSubject: The Desert king ( primary skillset) Done   Thu Oct 13, 2016 8:31 am

TheSkill Set Name:Suna Suna No mi
Elemental Property: Earth sub element Sand
Stat Specialization: Offense (Attack) Defense ( Defend)
Skill Set Information:
The suna suna no mi allows the user to create control and transform into sand at will. Making the user dare I say it a sand human.This fruit is quite powerful, even among Logia, as it allows for a great variety of abilities, rather than just normal elemental control. It also allows the user to locate and create quicksand, set off sandstorms, and absorb liquids. Such a variety is not seen with any other Logia fruit. It is also one of the few Logia type fruits that can naturally counteract its own weakness, and is even stronger in desert areas.It allows the user to transform into sand at will, as well as control it. Crocodile has trained himself to transform into sand by reflex, and is thus capable of avoiding sneak attacks (which untrained Logia-class users tend to not have time to transform to evade).This fruit allows Crocodile to sense anything that is moving through sand (he uses his power to sense underground rivers that are flowing through the sand). Its power can also be honed to the point where the user could also absorb the moisture from and dry anything the user grasps, causing living things such as humans and plants to wither through dehydration, and also cause all other matter like rocks and land to crumble to dust and sand; only metallic or ferrous substances are immune to this dehydration effect. The user could also sense thing in the sand as well.

Quriks F-Rank Allows the user to turn his body into a sand storm useful for flying to cover small distinct and or stalling.

B-Rank Allow the user to absorb moisture from living things like humans plants and animals also non living things such as wood earth related things like rock this could also turn things into sand but not living things such as humans. -30 stats def and hit points until the said person drinks water or something to regain their lost body water in the rp thread.

S-Rank The user is able to form with Sandy areas to form living sand mostly used in the desert parts of the world. This allows the user to locate anything in his desert sand this only weakness is he can't sense things in wet sand. The sand becomes alive even protecting the user from harm if it can. This is known as the blood sand.



Skill Set Strengths:  The user takes half damage form fire and light based element.
The user could create quicksand if hit or around water.
The user gains 100 stats each in sandy areas.

Skill Set Weakness: The user loses 100 stats each if caught or fighting in wet type ares  such as rain. Until the user post that he dried off.
Water based attacks does double the damage.
Strong enough wind could blow  the user away


Spoiler:
 


C Rank:
 

B Rank:
 

A Rank:
 

S Rank:
 

SS Rank:
 

X Rank:
 

Y Rank:
 

Z Rank:
 


[/b]


Last edited by TrillionTrillaTunka on Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:02 pm; edited 21 times in total
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James Smith
First Generation
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Berries : 1,500,000
Posts : 142

PostSubject: Re: The Desert king ( primary skillset) Done   Thu Oct 13, 2016 9:31 am

I understand that this may be W.I.P, though it doesn't seem to be stated as such, though this isn't much of a problem. Just PM me when you're ready to have it fully checked out, no need to rush, until then I'd just like to point out something which may or may not be in your favor, pardon if the latter.

"Quriks F-Rank Allows the user to turn to sand by reflex. Thus allowing the user to turn to his logia form to avoid harm or to escape."

Just letting you know, the Rumble System seems to pre-determine your capabilities w/ the Intangibility/Turning into your element.

I'll go ahead and quote it for you;

"II - You've gained quite skill with your Devil Fruit and can achieve out of the ordinary capabilities such as Gear Second, Gear Third and even more complex modes such as Enel's God Mode. However, these capabilities put a great strain on your body and are last resorts in combat, so keep that in mind. Nonetheless, your prowess with your ability is worthy of Supernova Status, even New World Status. For Logia's, tangibility is able to be achieved at this level. Those with out Haki will have a tough time against you. For Zoan user's, this is where your hybrid forms and full-transformations can be achieve, think Marco or Chopper(Pre-Time-Skip)."

As well as

"III - You've gained immense skill with your Devil Fruit and you can achieve extra-ordinary capabilities such as Gear Fourth and Doku Doku No Mi Red Poison mode for short spans at a time through the use of techniques. This level of capability matches that of Kuma with his Paw Paw Fruit and Enel with final god mode. You also gain the ability to go intangible unconsciously without will or effort for Logias. Zoans gain instant transformations from form to form. "

Both are found under Capacity.
A quick Link if you'd like:
 

From the way you described it, you sounded as if you may have been referring to the Third Tier in the Rumble System/Capacity, where you could do it passively w/o needing to put forth the actual effort to counter attacks. It might be kind of a grind to get there, but I'm just letting you know so you can put something else in this Slot's place.

For the S-Rank, you can just merge it with B-Rank. Canonly, though I may be wrong, Crocodile achieved the ability to turn things into sand by absorbing what moisture a non-living object had. (Only thing I can recall 100% on this was when he drained the moisture from a door in Impel Down. Pretty sure it turned to sand.) Couldn't find much on the Wiki about it. You can keep it as is, taking up an S Slot for Quirks or you can merge the two. Either way I'd like you to mention you couldn't turn Humans to Sand. I'm fine with Absorbing the moisture from them and all, but I think turning them into Sand may be a little bit higher tier than S. You can get a second opinion on that if you'd like.

When it comes to the T1 Tech template you have down on the bottom, that's the old Technique Template. Use the one just above that and add the letter tier just before it says Rank.

Sorry for posting. Was just about to go to bed and I noticed you posted. Wanted to help get some things done in hopes of saving you some time and possibly helping you add a little bit more. I understand this may have still been W.I.P, all things considering, and I'm sorry to post while it is. When you're finished just go ahead and reply, or shoot me a PM. Sorry to bother ya and I hope I didn't inconvenience you none.

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TrillionTrillaTunka

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Position : Paradise Pirate
Berries : 5,000,000
Posts : 28

Skill Sheet
Skill 1: Suna Suna No Mi
Skill 2: Historian
Skill 3: could read or write any thing

PostSubject: Re: The Desert king ( primary skillset) Done   Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:17 pm

Bump it's up
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James Smith
First Generation
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Berries : 1,500,000
Posts : 142

PostSubject: Re: The Desert king ( primary skillset) Done   Wed Oct 19, 2016 7:11 am

Okay, for all of these, when it comes to Technique focus, you're going to have to specify.

For example:
Tech Name -name-
Tech Focus: Attack - Capacity/Str/Accuracy

For the descriptions;

Add ranges to:
Sand barricade
Add a range to Hand of the Sand king, just being a hand of a giant isn't very detailed. How far can it reach? How wide and long is the hand?
Sand Clone - Cannot be indefinite. Add a specific range to where if it passes, it transforms from a clone back into Sand.
Add the size of the bullets in Sand bullets
Sand Tsunami has too big of a range for an A Rank. Add a distance for travel, lower the width and height. All three must add up to a Max of 70

For your Gear 2nd, it doesn't make sense. Like none of it, it wouldn't be able to do that. I get that this is anime but even Luffy's Gear Second had science behind it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_doping - To sum up my understanding, Luffy's Gear Second is performed due to his organs being able to contract and expand at a rapid rate allowing him to do a method similar to blood doping. It slowly kills him as mentioned in the Anime/Manga. I believe at one point it was stated that Luffy is the only one who can do this method safely due to his fruit. Luffy also seems to speed his bloodflow to do Blood doping, whereas you can't physically do that on your own. If you insist on having it you'll either going to need a second opinion on my review or you'll need to reword it to make more sense, though personally I'd prefer it not being there.

Remove kill or knock out on anything as there will not be any guarantee that it will do exactly that. Saying it would kill weak or weakened enemies is technically godmodding, it's all about them stats and Rumble Points. It'd be more than likely your capacity vs their defenses. Ones I'm talking about; Sand Twista, Sand Launcher, Sand Coffin.

For the sandstorm, explain why it's worse than a heatwave or snowstorm? Those usually kill you, and unless severe I don't see it killing people. Blinding is a strong maybe, but killing, unless it gets in people's lungs I can't see it killing.

Spoiler:
 

This doesn't really make sense to me. I assume you're saying that you infuse the sand w/ your blood, force it outside of your body, and it acts like a sentient being that protects you afterwards? How does it protect you? - I was thinking in a vaguely like Gaara's shield in Naruto where it just passively creates a barrier whenever someone tries to physically touch him. If not, please state how it protects you. Secondly, awakening only occurs at max Capacity according to the rumble system. So you wouldn't even be able to use this, or any other awakening techniques. Secondly, you're not even S Ranked. You're only B Ranked.

Hand of the Sand King also seems to be the same thing as your gear third.

On every technique that gives you a stat boost, the site seems to be more based off of the rumble system than stats. Stats just determine the amount of points you get and -maybe- break a tie when the Rumble points are even. For example, a technique wouldn't raise your "Speed" by 150, it would raise one of three speed categories from the Rumble System up one point. The three possible speed categories, for example, are velocity, acceleration, and maneuverability. For attack, strength maybe, and it goes on. See the Rumble System for more information, I've linked it prior to this post before for you.

Fix up your grammar a little bit too.

After you fix these issues I may find more my next time around, fair warning.

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